All of Me
by hermionesmydawg
Summary: Post 5x19 (and beyond). Deeks has always been a little further ahead in their relationship than Kensi, but he's willing to wait for her to catch up to him.


Happy Birthday aprylynn. :)

As usual, I don't own anything associated with NCIS: Los Angeles. If I did, well...I guess things like this story would happen.

* * *

Allmost five months had passed since Kensi had last laid in Deeks' arms. There were a few similarities to that time; heavy breathing, the gentle caress of his hand in her hair, and a sweet press of his lips to her temple. Unfortunately for both of them, that's where the similarities ended.

This new, vulnerable side of his partner he was witnessing for the first time frightened Deeks. Gone for the time being was Badass Blye, the bravest person he'd ever known. He used to think that he wanted her to let her walls down, that he wanted her to let herself be vulnerable and exposed in front of him. But this, whatever the ordeal was that she experienced in the desert, was not how he wanted it to happen.

It was Kensi's first night back home, in her own bed, since the day before their fateful evening in November. While most homecomings were joyous occasions, this night had been anything but. She was able to fall asleep, for which Deeks was grateful. However, her sleep had been continuously interrupted throughout the night, and Deeks was there for her with every new nightmare she had. He had told her he would stay that night with her if she wanted, and to his surprise she agreed. Rummaging around her room, Kensi was relieved to find that she had done laundry right before she left and had a clean pair of pajamas to wear. Deeks had pulled a clean shirt from his go-bag and stripped his jeans off, waiting for the objection to his lack of pants that never came. So they slept, side by side in her bed, at a comfortably close distance; until each time the screaming started.

"It's okay, it's okay," Deeks said gently, rolling her back and forth in his arms. "You're home now, remember? You're safe. We're all safe."

"We're not all safe," Kensi whispered, clinging to his shirt.

Deeks realized in that moment that as much as he wanted to, he wouldn't lie to her. He still didn't comprehend everything that happened between her and Jack, nine years ago or in the last week. Right now all he cared about was stopping the hurt and the pain that his partner was going through as best as he could; and not letting her see how much he was hurting as well.

"Hey, did you know that I'm a partner magnet?"

Deeks felt Kensi cock her head against his chest, but she didn't raise her eyes. "What?" She rubbed her face on his shirt, leaving a damp spot wet enough that he could feel it on his skin.

"Everybody wants to be my partner," he continued, staring at the ceiling of her bedroom as he pulled a few stray hairs away from her face. "And some of the offers were tempting. I mean, who can resist seeing Nate in an ugly-ass suit everyday, right? Or working with a kid, okay maybe not a kid, but he was young. And he didn't carry a gun. That's just the tip of the iceberg of what happened while you were gone, Kens."

Kensi sniffled and tried to discreetly wipe her nose on his tshirt. "I don't know what you're trying to say, but keep talking."

"What I'm trying to say is," Deeks said, "I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm feeling a lot of things right now, but I don't know what to say. So I'm just trying to say anything that I think will make you feel better."

"Is it okay if I just don't want to talk about anything right now?" Kensi slurred, almost back asleep again.

Deeks placed a reassuring kiss on her forehead. "I just let you wipe your snot on my shirt. I won't say no to anything you want right now."

A tiny snort vibrated against his chest, the first thing resembling a laugh that had come out of Kensi in close to a week. Deeks didn't expect miracles, and was ready to be there for the long haul. Tiny snorts were a starting point on her road back to Normal, USA; population: two.

Kensi's breathing started to slow down again as she faded back to sleep. Still holding her tightly, Deeks whispered into her hair. "You're safe now. I got you. And I'm not letting you out of my sight anytime soon."

* * *

The tapping of Kensi's fingers against the gearshift of her Cadillac was the only sound in the car. It was really getting on Deeks' nerves but he was just trying to ignore it, focusing on the warehouse adjacent to them. _Tap tap tap_. On a normal day, this car ride would be different. He would have already snapped at her for annoying him, she would have turned up the music in the car to drown him out, then the real battle would begin. But these types of interactions between the partners were comfortable for them, borderline flirtatious even. _Tap tap tap_.

He wanted to tell her to stop, to grasp her hand and make the infernal tapping end. But he was hesitant: something as silly as grabbing her playfully might trigger some sort of memory that he didn't want her to have to relive. So he sat next to her in her car, and let her drive, and let her get on his last nerve in silence. It _was_ her first day back in the field, after all.

Kensi turned to stare at him, clucking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "Why are you babying me, Deeks?"

He rolled his eyes, still facing the warehouse. _Tap tap tap_. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

_Tap tap tap_. "You mean this isn't getting on your nerves?" _Tap tap tap_.

"Oh that? I didn't even notice." Deeks squinted like he saw something at the warehouse, but there was nothing there.

_Tap tap tap_. "Yeah...I don't believe you." Kensi moved her fingers from the gearshift to his knee, where she continued strumming away.

Deeks clenched his jaw, trying to ignore her still; and he was able to until one of her fingers tapped a little too far up his thigh and he jerked slightly, snatching her hand in his. To his surprise, Kensi didn't pull her hand away immediately. Both of them sat staring in awkward silence, waiting for the other one to pull away. Eyeing her cautiously, he opened his palm and slowly intertwined his fingers in hers. "I'm not babying you."

Squeezing her fingers, she dropped their linked hands back on the gearshift. "Then why are you treating me differently?"

"Um, maybe because things _are_ different?" Deeks answered softly. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't been nervous all day with you being back in the field. What's going to happen the first time you have to react? I hesitated my first day back, and under different circumstances it could have gotten us both killed."

Kensi frowned, turning her eyes back to watch the warehouse. "I'm good, Deeks. This is what I do."

"So you're saying if a baddie walks up right now and pops me, you'll be completely cool and hit him right between the eyes."

"_Deeks._" Kensi's face turned sour. "Don't talk like that."

"Why not?" Deeks gazed at her intently. "It could happen at any time. I could die today, you could die today. Hell, two weeks ago I thought you were dead and I've got to be honest with you, my reaction was anything but cool."

Kensi licked her lips. "I'm sorry. That you had to go through that. For me."

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant getting you back."

She squeezed his hand again. "I know I don't want to imagine you not here anymore, either. It hurts too much."

"We still have a lot of things to talk about, you know," Deeks said. "And I don't want to make you if you're not ready. But this, you and me working together, is just going to get more complicated if we _don't_ talk about it."

"I know," Kensi sighed. "And I'm ready to talk. I just don't think I'm ready to...act."

"Furthest thing from my mind right now." Deeks bit his lip nervously. "Do you still feel the same way you did before you left?"

"I do. But there are other things that I still need to process, ya know?" Kensi looked at him sheepishly.

Deeks shrugged. "I get it. And I'll make the same promise I did before. I'll be patient while you figure it out."

Kensi cocked her head at him. "How are you all of a sudden so patient when it comes to me?" Shrugging again, Deeks didn't respond, instead turning his head to look out the window. Kensi released his hand and placed hers on his shoulder. "I thought we were talking, now _you_ don't want to talk?"

Sighing, Deeks rapped his knuckles on the side window. "Maybe...I kinda love you too much to _not_ be patient."

Kensi sat back, startled. "Oh."

"Look, Kens, I've had a lot of time to think about things," he said, trying to explain himself. "And I'm probably a little more invested in this, _thing_ or whatever it is, than you are right now and that's okay. And I'm willing to wait for you to get where I am, because I just...I want you."

Kensi opened her mouth to speak but Deeks held up a hand to stop her. "No, I need to finish. I want you, but not halfway. I want all of you. I want you doing stupid things that normal people do, like grocery shopping together and arguing over what brand of toilet paper to buy. I want holidays and vacations. For us to be there for each other when times are hard, like right now, so that we can appreciate it when times are good. I don't just want you at work; I want you at my place, in my bed every night. Just you. I want all of you. And when the time comes that you're ready for that, then I'm ready too. But the ball is in your court now."

Sitting in stunned silence, Kensi cursed to herself when she saw the truck they'd been waiting on pull up to the warehouse. "They're here," she muttered as they both sank lower in their seats.

"You ready for this?" Deeks asked, pulling out his weapon.

Kensi didn't know if that was a loaded question or not. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"Oh you've got a choice, and if you can't do this then I go in alone." Deeks stared at her, deadly serious.

"Hell no," Kensi responded, shaking her head. "Let's do this."

* * *

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

"Hold on, I'm coming!" Deeks yelled as he unloaded the last of his clean coffee cups into his cupboard.

Two months had passed since he bared himself, figuratively, to his partner. She'd responded better than he thought she would, without pushing him even further away than she already had. They had fallen back into a comfortable rhythm with each other; work every day, dinner and stupid TV shows most nights with no obligations. Kensi had been trying to drop hints here and there about her readiness to accept his feelings for her, but had yet to reciprocate his sentiments.

Deeks knew that tonight wouldn't be a comfortable night, however. Judging by the fact that she was banging on his door instead of just using the key he'd given her after she decided to pick his lock one night, she'd gotten the same news about his job status that he had earlier that day. Standing in front of the door, he listened for the next wave of impatient knocking.

_**BANG**_ - He yanked the door open to find Kensi with her fist in the air, mid-knock. She huffed at him and forced herself into his apartment. "What are you going to do?"

"Well, I was thinking of ordering Chinese-"

"No! Idiot..." Kensi interrupted, her face openly showing her frustration. "Hetty told me about the Liaison position. What are you going to do?"

He tried to shrug nonchalantly. "Well I guess I have two options. Go back to LAPD, or join NCIS."

Staring at him in disbelief, Kensi shook her head. "That's not an answer. Which one is it?"

"I don't know," Deeks replied tersely. "I haven't decided yet."

"What is there to decide? You're not a cop anymore, you're an agent. I see it, everybody else sees it. So why won't you just become one?" She grabbed his biceps with her hands, and he glanced down at them with his eyebrows raised. "What's stopping you?"

"There are a lot of things to consider here," he answered, still staring at her hands.

"Like what exactly?"

Deeks couldn't figure out what to do with his hands while she was holding his arms. He put them on his hips, but it seemed awkward. If he tried to cross his arms he knew she'd let go and he didn't really want her to. So he snaked his arms under hers and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her into his personal space. "Like...if I go back to LAPD then I won't work with you guys anymore, which would suck. But if I join NCIS I might end up getting reassigned like you did, and frankly I don't really want to be stuck on a boat or have to live in the desert for months on end. So you see, it's a dilemma."

Kensi nodded and sunk even closer to him, running her hands slowly up and down his arms. "And what about us?"

"_Us_ is a pretty broad term, Kens," Deeks said, smiling devilishly. "I think I need some clarification."

"Okay..." Kensi puckered her lips out, thinking. "Let's say hypothetically, that some time in the future we entered into a relationship that is more than professional-"

"Hold on," Deeks interjected. "First of all, this relationship has been unprofessional for years. Secondly, it's not a business transaction. You can say it. Dating. Sleeping together. Being a couple. Whatever you want to call it. And to answer your hypothetical question, LAPD would probably be the better choice for, as you put it, _us_. But I'm going to take some time to weigh all my options before I decide what I'm going to do."

"I see." Kensi said, disappointed. "I just...I don't want to lose you. As a partner or-" she paused. "Or more."

"More?" Deeks tightened his arms around her as she dragged her hands from his biceps to his chest, drawing imaginary circles with her fingers.

"More."

"Uh huh." He tilted his head at her. "And you remember everything I said? About how it's all or nothing."

Kensi bit her bottom lip and looked into his eyes, gathering up the nerve to take the next step. Gripping his shirt with her fingers she pulled him down to her level, surprising him with the force in which her mouth covered his. Recovering from the shock quickly, he grasped the back of her neck and deepened the kiss. Moaning softly she grabbed the belt loops of his jeans thrust her hips against his. She kicked her shoes off and he followed suit, moving his hands up unbutton her shirt.

"Bedroom?" Deeks murmured against her lips, already walking them backwards in that direction. She mumbled something incoherently and pushed him further along until they found his bed and fell into each other.

His lips devoured her, frantically trying to taste every inch of her skin as soon as she exposed it to him. The small moan that escaped her lips when his teeth grazed her navel fueled his fire and he tugged at the waistband of her jeans, silently asking her to unbutton them. She obliged, and he tried to pull them off but it was not an easy task.

"I hate jeans," Deeks grumbled, giving up on the waist, yanking on the legs instead.

"Well, I can't walk around without pants," Kensi joked breathlessly, pushing on her jeans as he pulled them.

With one final tug, Deeks finally removed the offensive piece of clothing. "I guess not. We don't live in a perfect world, after all." He paused for a second, taking in the sight of Kensi in only her bra and panties, mismatched of course. "God, you are beautiful," he whispered as he slipped his hands under the lace band of her underwear. Grabbing his hands to stop him, she pulled him slowly up from his crouched position until he was flush with her body.

"Slow down just a little bit, Deeks," Kensi breathed into his neck, enjoying the scratch of his beard against her lips. "I've missed you." Gliding her hands up his arms to his shoulders and then down his back, she slid her hands under his shirt and pulled it up over his head.

He licked his lips and smiled at her as began to slowly kiss from the nape of her to her shoulder, nudging her bra strap down with his nose. Raising his eyes to hers, he ran his hand over her the mess of hair on her forehead, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "You know how I feel about you, right?"

Kensi tensed so slightly that he never would have noticed if their almost naked bodies weren't pressed so closely together. Deeks froze and pulled away from her. Smiling, she caught his arms with her hands and pulled his back down on top of her. She bit her lip and asked nervously, "I guess it's my turn to say it, isn't it?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Deeks smirked at her. "Yeah kinda."

"I just haven't," she said, trying to find her words. "It's just that's it's been a long time. A really long time."

Deeks pursed his lips. "I don't want you to say it if you don't mean it, Kens."

"But I do, I do love you," she stammered. "I just don't know how to say it."

Chuckling, Deeks shook his head at her. "You _did_ just say it."

"Oh. Yeah. I love you." Kensi grinned, running her fingers through his messy hair as she guided his mouth back down to her body. "Your turn again."

"Hmmm," he purred, running a hand down her leg as he took her earlobe between his lips. "How about I show you just how much I love you?"

Kensi shivered under him. "All of me?" she asked playfully.

"Every. Single. Inch."


End file.
